Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Thing

One of my colleagues is a single mom, just like me. We often discuss the love & woes of it all. It's always good to talk to someone, who knows what you are going through; they can always help you with issues if they also have experience. This Colleague, Mary, also has some problems with her ex (not involved, doesn't want to pay maintenance, etc..etc.etc).
We have come up with a common name for all exes who behave like this, and it is "The Thing". So, whenever I speak about The Thing, you will know that I am referring to my ex.

I think that I have mentioned that The Thing is completely uninvolved. We haven't seen him in almost 3 years, and he hasn't phoned since Alie's 3rd birthday (She just turned 5).

While I was pregnant, I covered up my chocolate and ice-cream addiction by saying "I'm eating for two." Now I cover up my over-protectiveness by saying "I'm loving for two."
I know that it's not necessary; Alie gets all the love which she would have gotten from a good father (and then some) from my family and friends, but at least I can now give everyone an excuse to why I spoil her so much. I feel that it's my job to love her that missing (but not really missing) bit. I wouldn't have it any other way!

I have to go kiss my little princess....... TWICE


Sunday, January 17, 2010

I survived... better than I thought

So, I survived being away from the princess for 24 hours. Away, this time meaning, she leaving me and not the other way around.

So after I phoned and Cat told me she was doing great and too busy having fun to talk with me, I decided that maybe I can use my Night off to have some fun.

Not long after that my 'Hopefully-future-husband' phoned to hear if me and Alie want to spend the night at his place. When I told him that I am 'Alie-less' he said that in that case he's taking me on a 'real' date. (Usually Alie is with us so we get distracted alot.) We went on my kind of date. No fancy restaurant and all that, just a pub with great steaks and some coctails. We don't get to do that much, since I don't want to take my 5year old girl to a pub. I don't know what it is about those places, but I really love it.

Anyway. Yesterday I asked how the whole 'lonely' thing will get better... Well I think that if Jake treats me like this everytime we're alone, I will definitely not be so mopey about being left alone next time.

I'm just going to check on Alie while she's in dreamland....

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Is it always this hard?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy free time, but I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm sure she's fine, but I can't help worrying about my little angel.

My sister, Cat took Alie to her in laws. I know that they are crazy about her and that she is in good hands. I trust Cat to take good care of her, so why worry.

Now you probably wonder why I had not gotten used to Alie being with some one else by now, because you probably read that she just turned 5. Sure, I have been away from her, but that was different. Each of those times I was the one who was away, and she stayed at home with my mum or Cat. This is the first time that I am the one left behind.
I have loads to do today, but I can't get my mind to focus to start any of it. I have a big presentation on Monday, and I have to start a new project next week, which I haven't even planned. I just can't get my head to concentrate.

Maybe some of you wonder why this is the first time She's left me. That's because her dad never took her without me. He used to take us out every Saturday, Then only twice a month, then once a month. That later became once in three months, and now it's been three years since we've seen him. That's a whole other story which I will save for a rainy day.

Anyway. If you have any suggestions on how to get over this, please let me know.

I'm off to phone my baby (yeah, yeah, I know, Over protective and paranoid, Maybe I will feel better once I hear her voice and know she's having a good time.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Getting it out

I am soooo Frustrated!

If there are any single-moms out there, give me a shout. I bet even married moms might have the same troubles as myself. There is always the "NOT ENOUGH MONEY" scenario, and the "WILL EVERYBODY STOP STARING" and probably most commonly "THE EX WON'T PAY/ DAMN THE EX" situation.

Sure, I have money to take care of the two of us, but I can't afford the new ballet shoes or the princess dress that she saw in the window.
Seriously! The fact that I had a baby when I was 19 is not that bad! Every one has made mistakes, (Don't get me wrong, I don't see my baby as a mistake, just the sleeping with the guy; I was obviously not responsible). The only differnce between my mistakes and other people's mistakes is that the consequinces of my mistakes has grown arms and legs and is dancing around in a fairy dress. I think I have learned more through my mistakes than any other person I know. I took full responsibility of my situation. I grew up and became responsible. So to all the critical eyes following me in the shopping malls... STOP STARING! Why don't you come to me and say "Good for you!" I could have had an abortion, or I could have dumped the baby in a dumpster, but I did not. There's no need for your bad stares.
And about the 'damn ex'..... What can I say, sure I'm glad that I don't have to share her with someone who doesn't want her, and the money he gave me each month was not much, (not even $100), and of course when I marry the true love of my life, he is adopting my daughter as his own (I think they have a stronger bond than most daddy-daughter relationships has; how lucky am I to have met someone who loves me and my daughter?), but couldn't the damn ex wait till then to completely stop caring? It would have been easier to say to my girl one day that her bio-daddy stopped caring because he knew that someone else was taking care of her, than to say he just stopped because he is a damn fool.

Don't worry, this blog will not only be about the bad things of single-parenthood. I will tell you all my problems and how I get over it, and ofcourse I will brag about my little princess (who btw, just turned 5 years old). She is the best thing that I ever recieved! I wouldn't change a hair on her head (allthough the twins accross the street thought they would, by cutting her hair that was long enough to cover her bum. But that's another story).
I hope my blog will help some mothers to get through a few rough spots in their lives, and also to help young (especially teenage) mothers to be to see that having a baby does not mean losing your life! It only makes it better!

I hope to hear your comments!

Gotta go kiss my angel on the cheeck!